DIY

Redecoration of the kitchen now due and I have elected to do it myself, rather than have someone in. Someone in fine for a room on the periphery or for the outside, not so good for a central room, a room which one is popping in and out of through the day. And, in our case, quite a small room, not requiring any trickery with ladders.

Inspection of the back of the garage revealed large quantities - several litres that is - of the necessary wall paint and modest quantities of ceiling white. Probably fine as this kind of paint seems to keep for ever. Small quantities of interior white gloss, probably not fine. And not keen on using the exterior white gloss as that is full of evil smelling chemicals to stop the rot. None of the orangey-pink needed for the inside of the back door. So off to Homebase, which, as reference 1 would have it, is now 'the DIY emporium of choice'.

To be confronted by a huge amount of choice, several aisles full of choice. All kinds of different sorts of paint. A baffling multiplicity of vendor, tint, taint and finish. Much worse than financial products such as insurance. But despite this baffling multiplicity, there seemed to be very little choice when it came to interior woodwork. Maybe a dozen or so off-whites and half a dozen strong colours. Not even Oxford Blue, the council favourite in many areas for the outside of front doors. And, as it happens, the outside of our own front door.

We wondered whether interior woodwork was a thing of the past with everybody who is anybody using plastics, veneers and reconstituted stone of one sort or another.

Eventually we lighted on a colour we thought would do - something involving chocolate in the name - and marched off to the tills to find that we were likely to have to wait - this being a Saturday afternoon - half an hour or more. Put paint back and went home for a cuppa.

By this afternoon, we had gone off the chocolate paint and were reduced to looking online where we find that the faux posh Farrow & Ball do 132 shades of gloss, which come complete with the nice paint chart illustrated and online purchase for a supplement of £5 for delivery. We decided that book room red was what we needed.

So tomorrow morning, BH will brave Homebase again to see whether, armed with this name, she can run the stuff to ground - in the hope that the on-screen colour is not too far from the on-door colour. I will be more modestly occupied slapping white onto the ceiling. At least one can still buy that without too much difficulty, should that prove necessary.

PS: in the course of all this, I have checked up on Dulux, which was and remains my paint of choice, despite a worry that the company had been bought by the Arabs. It turns out the the 'Du' bit comes from DuPont, a well known company founded by a Frenchman back in 1804 or so. But the paint company was Australasian, passed through the hands of the late lamented ICI and is now back in Australasia (along with Homebase, about to be Bunnings). Nothing very motherland about it at all anymore. But at least it is Old Commonwealth, people to whom we will soon be looking to replace the European markets we are set to lose.

PPS: further checking reveals much muddle. The Dulux I was checking on seems to be the Australasian one. There is another one owned by AkzoNobel, a company based in the Netherlands, mixed up with the Nobel of the Nobel prizes and a company whose website says that 'AkzoNobel is offering its support to people affected by the closure of BHS stores across the UK. All former BHS employees who have been affected by the liquidation are being guaranteed an interview for any vacant position they apply for across AkzoNobel’s 188-strong Dulux Decorator Centre network in the UK and Northern Ireland'. I give up, but interested readers can pursue the matter at reference 4.

Reference 1: http://psmv3.blogspot.co.uk/2017/03/woodworm-scare.html.

Reference 2: http://www.farrow-ball.com/.

Reference 3: http://www.duluxgroup.com.au/About-Us/History/History/default.aspx.

Reference 4: https://www.akzonobel.com/home.