Divine difficulties

Several hundred years ago, John Donne pointed to the problems the angelic hosts will have on Judgement Day in re-assembling the parts of seamen who had lost bits and pieces in various parts of the world, rather than being neatly buried in one place.

Since then of course, things have moved on and we now know that we are made up of atoms, more or less indestructible under normal conditions, even if our bodies are not.

There has also been a ruling from the Vatican Council that all those baptised into the faith will be re-assembled on Judgement Day, in the condition that they were at the point in time half way between the sacrament of baptism and the last rites, or this last failing, the last breaths. Those who pass muster will then go upstairs, those who do not, downstairs, with our re-assembled bodies being fully up for both pleasure and pain.

But now, some pettifogging lawyer from the wilds of Ireland has raised a serious problem. The idea is to reconstitute the faithful using the original materials, the original atoms. But this does not take account of the unfortunate fact that any one atom is likely to have passed through many of the faithful over the years, not to mention lower animals - possibly even Protestants. Possibly even plants, fungi, bacteria and viruses.

One way forward would be to say that the most recent qualifying owner of any particular atom had the strongest claim. Anyone else would have to make do with a replica. I have not done the necessary sums, but I suppose it is at least possible that some will be made up entirely of replicas. To be, in effect, replicants. Not very satisfactory at all.

There are reports in the Guardian that the Divinity has appointed a commission to investigate the matter and to make recommendations.

At which point I woke up.